Exact moment right before I plan to sleep, my brain decides to host a TED Talk about everything that went wrong in my life before civilization even existed. At 3 AM, I’m not just awake; I’m awake on purpose, and the purpose is to screw up my sleep cycle and get dark circles.
If you don’t scroll your phone aimlessly until the battery dropped to 4% and you realize that at 4%, This blog is not for you.🤞 Welcome to the digital drop world.😶🌫️
A research study says, we stay up late because:
But place your hand on your heart and say, Is that really true? 🙄
Why do you do this to yourself? Is it really worth your 2 nights sleep?
Why the hell did you do that Light?
Me supporting Light Yagami in every debate I come across, and he is unbothered af😿 Death Note was my first and last anime. ❤ The addiction was too real — so real that I knew if I didn’t stop, I’d become the next Night Yagami.
“That’s fine; all humans have addictions, and we feed them at night or on weekends, because your full-time employer kicks your a*s if you do it during the day.” Just like how I feed my addiction with unusable rapping thoughts I get at midnights.
My midnight weirdos, we live while they sleep,
It ain’t insomnia, it’s the secret we keep.
Nights hit different, we thrive and glow,
Day’s for the grind, but we let it go.
Bills and tasks, that’s daylight’s trap,
But when the sun dips, we ditch that map.
Mask off, we’re free, no time to nap,
We own the night, that’s a fact, no cap.
Ps: If you have Audacity, please feel free to tune it yourself. Too lazy to tune it. Garage band also works fine.
PPS: I am not questioning your Audacity. Audacity is a OS Audio Editor. Already fed up with enuf misunderstandings, PaThEtIc HuMaNs🥱
I once Googled, “What happens if you swallow a watermelon seed?” Honestly, it’s the most absurd thing I’ve ever searched. It all started with a brainless dude planting childhood trauma in my head, claiming a watermelon plant would grow inside my stomach if I swallowed a seed. No amount of logic could undo the damage. And let me tell you — there’s no forgiveness for that level of misinformation.
Let me clarify something: I’m not awake at 3 AM because I’m chasing my dreams, oh wait technically, I do chase my dreams in my dreams, I mean literal dreams. Whatever😤! IYKYK.
I stay up because the night is when I hear the least rubbish. Just me and the fan. But honestly? I have no clue why I am awake when demons clock in. Is it because my inner demon wants to play a late-night game of hide and seek? Who knows.
Some nights, it’s depression. Some nights, disappointment. Other nights? Disrespect from some source. And then there are nights where I’m just looping Imagine Dragons — “It’s Time” like it holds the answers to my life.
And if someone ever asks, “Why don’t you just sleep?” — my answer is simple: I don’t have time to sleep. I’m too busy imagining fake scenarios. TBH that’s an introvert’s addiction. And I am an introvert😶🌫️.
Oh, and let’s not forget my late-night callers. Some of my friends hit their existential crises at the same time, so they call me, the unofficial, unpaid CEO of Moral Support, and it’s my job to be there for them. You’re welcome, society.
But for the love of God — please stop sending me totally random, unnecessary texts at 2 AM like,
“You’re online, I’m online. Why are we still online? Just to miss this deadline?”
which now turned to,
“You’re alive, I’m alive. Why are we still alive? Just to make this go live? ” .
Stawp itt.
Oh, and speaking of deadlines, One of the major reasons I stayed up late in the past which now became a habit was because of deadlines. My brain has an excellent skill of not recalling the deadline unless it is tomorrow. And even if someone miraculously reminds me? My sassy, ghamand driven brain refuses to store that information just to watch me go nuts before night. 😭💀
This is a clear sign of self-sabotage.
I don’t do social media. I don’t do anime. I don’t do drugs. I don’t do subtitles — don’t have patience to read while watching.
What do I do then? I only do YouTube- but I hate its ads, so I watch it in Brave, then I hate cookies, then I watch it in Brave Incognito. And trust me, YouTube algorithm is the worst I had ever come across, so I stopped that too
.
youtube bhai, mujhe nai dekhna Kpop, kyun jabardasti feed mein laate ho😭 .
Now I do fake scenarios - yeh sahi he.😅 My untouched guitar sits in the corner, a permanent witness to my nightly procrastination routine.
Until 1 AM: I pass time.
1 AM Onwards: All types of crisis kicks in.
B/W Post-Midnight TO 3 A.M: Depression, Disappointment, Disrespect, adrenaline rush, bugs, blogs, upskill.
1–1.5 hour productivity >>> my entire week work.
I don’t do much at night, but the little I do makes up for an entire week’s work. That’s my favorite misconception, and I’ll keep believing it — because it’s the only way I survive. 😌🔥
Well I’m not the doc. But I can talk about my sleep schedule? Yeah, it’s totally wrecked. At this point, it’s beyond redemption. My back is already broke and I probably will go blind, If I don’t change my lenses soon.
And my brain?
Now imagine you see “32F.” What do you read?
We’ve long passed the days where you’d see F and think “Fahrenheit” or “Female.” Now, my brain just reads “F” as “F*ck” because that’s how far gone my mental state is. My brain cells are so messed up at this point, they’re out here giving up on life.
Welcome to my reality, and do you think a good sleep cycle exists in this life?
Yes I do, I am not talking about a sleep schedule, but a cycle.
I do sleep for more than 8 hours a day, probably 10.. and I can go beyond 20 hours as well, as long as my mom don’t wake me up for food. There is a catch here, I do sleep at odd timings, but I sleep sufficient.
People talk about having a “routine.” You know, waking up early, eating a balanced breakfast, exercising, and getting good amount of sleep. Well, I don’t know that life. It was buried, back after my 10th grade. While they’re busy living their Pinterest lives, I’m awake on the edge of a breakdown, and imaginations that will never happen.
But here’s the thing: life itself is a mess. Why should my bedtime be any different? At midnight, I’m free. Free to imagine, free to procrastinate, free to spiral into another crisis with zero interruptions.
Silence Hits Different : Not the “peaceful” kind of quiet, but the oh-no-it’s-just-me-and-my-thoughts kind of quiet.
“Do snails ever feel bad about how slow they are? If they don’t why should I?”
Questions like these keep me moving forward. 😂 They make no sense — just like me writing this blog. It doesn’t make sense, but here I am, still writing, and here you are, still reading.(Bro’s for life💯)
Late nights are kinda me time:
During the day, I procrastinate like it’s my full-time job. But, I don’t procrastinate my actual full-time job. There’s a slight difference right there, which, honestly, completely messes my mental health. But at the nights, I give myself a little time to check so that I don’t wreck my tomorrow.
I totally agree that my sleep schedule is trash. Absolute garbage. So is my life. I’ve come to accept that my circadian rhythm is as broken as my ability to stick to a to-do list. But at least I’m consistent in my inconsistency, right?
I am thankful that I don’t need to study under the street lamps brightening the whole atmos, brightening my room is enough for this life.
Everynight I totally go crazy watching the lights for straight 8 hours. #Justice for my eyes.
At the end of my day (or your night), I stay awake late night because that’s when life makes the most sense. I don’t exactly sleep at 3 A.M, but if you average my life’s sleeping time, it's around 3. I just exist and I love it.
“I don’t deprive myself of sleep; I just don’t follow a strict schedule. Of course that’s what we call a fucked up sleep cycle.”☠️
Strict sleep schedules are overrated, life is trash, and my dark circles are real. You sleep whenever you like, it's your life. Doesn’t really matter to me.
Oh, and shoutout to Faasle by Aditya Rikhari. Absolute banger. That makes it to the top 10 in my playlist, every time I travel.
Anyways, catch ya in the next blog. Thanks for sticking through this chaos. ✌️ And I think I am already 2 weeks late for this blog, Apologies. Just how I don’t have a sleep schedule, I don’t have a blog schedule either, So bear with it.