zero savings…
As we stand on the precipice of 2024, looking back with both nostalgia and disbelief, I have one thought, Where did it all go? My money, my time, my sanity — poof! Just like that, I blinked in January, and here we are, mid-December, writing a farewell to the year that took everything but my work stress. Ah, what a beautiful ending.🙄
Yesterday, I wrapped up work around 11:30 PM. After hours of procrastination, I started drafting this blog at midnight. Right then, a mustard (yes, my friend) called me at 2 AM to proudly announce he got a girlfriend, just to mock me for still being single. That was the final straw. Depressed by my 22 years of singlehood, I stopped writing and went for a walk to clear my head. Prayers for his girlfriend tho! 🙏
If I were at home, I’d ignore midnight calls. My Voice bass could wake my mom up, and she’d ensure I never woke up again. Fortunately or unfortunately, I wasn’t at home. Thanks to a production code freeze, and I had to deploy the last minute things team did, via backend.
So I had to shift my setup to a 170 sq .ft 1RK kind of but not very similar, my books storage room on the roof top. It’s been 3 weeks, since am staying at home, And my mom is very pissed off with my non existent work life balance.
Last night, if I have stayed at home with back to back meetings for production deployment, my mom would only give me 2 options:
I don’t want any of it to happen either because I got bills to pay, so had to sleep somewhere else, thankfully its not freezing foot path.
At the start of the year, I had big goals — saving money, building a fat bank account, and maybe even an investment portfolio. Spoiler alert: None of that happened.
It’s been a year and half I started working and then on I read lot of books on self finance, like “Master your Mind, Master your life” ; “Rich Dad Poor Dad”; “Atomic Habits”. They are actually great books, but my self discipline wasn’t that great so those didn’t help me much on my savings.
Where did the money go? Well… here’s where my pay checks went:
IRCTC has practically been surviving on my money. Between cancellation charges, Tatkal fees, C/S/GST, and other surprises, I’ve travelled back and forth between Bangalore and home 8–9 times in the past 13 months. Crazy, right? I wasn’t even sure until I counted🤯. But I was doing that since my adulthood, so no surprise, because I usually get bored at a single place when I stay there for more than a month. IDK why my mom didn’t get bored of me for 22 years. Respect, Mom. ❤
PS: Petition to start subscription service for IRCTC 🙇♀️
This year, I spent significantly on family functions, wedding, and festivals. I spent more than significant amount during my cousin’s wedding and zero idea why I needed to look like a Bollywood extra (I couldn’t make it anyways even with the dress).
That was my costliest outfit I had in my entire life, its been 4 months, and I barely wore it once. A wastage at infinity ♾️.
This month, we held a big festival at home to fulfill a vow my mom made years ago. For those who don’t know the idea is, gods oversee the world, so they assign goddesses to look after specific regions or homes. I am not being sarcastic here, being informatic to non hindus with all due respect. My mom prayed to our goddess that if both I and someone I shared my childhood with got employed, she’d celebrate with offerings, including animal sacrifice. After 8 years, with both of us employed, it was time to honor that promise.. Maybe she doubted us back then —
My mom having mental breakdown every time she thinks about our future! which is fair enough, considering our childhood. My mom’s only way is praying, because we both are hopeless!!🫢
At the end of the festival, My uncle said, “Everyone left happily after eating.” My dis-respective ass instantly answered “Everyone’s matter doesn’t matter to me.” He gently replied “No, the whole point of this festival is to bring people together and make everyone happy.”
What? Now I had a slow panic, ‘coz the above sentence is not making sense. To get this festival done, I had to break my emergency fund savings!! That’s not the actual answer I wanted to hear, and my intrusive thoughts began, couldn’t help but question the logic of spending so much to feed people who could already afford it.
I can just spend this on someone who can’t afford it or I can spend it on myself (I barely spent salary on myself, other than the iPad I bought, food is an exception tho😅). And after this festival, IDT any one will care about me or my family. So what’s the point? I felt a little low with some lowkey existential crisis, then I googled, because if I ask these questions to my family, straight away they disown me. 😖
Then google enlightened me with the truth: humans host weddings, festivals, and funerals to save endangered ancestral relationships. We just want to let our ancestral family know that we exist.
Think about this, you save years of earnings just to throw a wedding party to people who don’t even care about you after your wedding. How did I miss this small logic..My dumbas*
I didn’t think much about these before, ‘coz I was not the one spending. Pain is too real ;) Pathetic humans !! I then decided that this is not a very good environment to grow and spend my money on something that’s not giving full satisfaction. Still, my mom was happy, and honoring the goddess was my responsibility. No regrets there. # Responsible adult.
To those relatives, obsessed with my salary and marriage — grow up, it’s 2024! Stop asking awkward questions unless you want rude answers.
Living in Bangalore comes with its own costs — food, rent, bills, and daily expenses. And my impulse expenses like iPad, Procreate subscription. The 2 being untouched for past 2 months. Didn’t realize iPad was such a waste of money fr.
A fair chunk went to personal trips, dinners, and reconnecting with old friends (and some strangers). So in whole I left with zero savings. Now coming to investments, bare minimum. I spent money like crazy, took it for granted which I shouldn’t have done. Money was flowing like water. Unfortunately, my income wasn’t flowing like the Ganges.
“My Money evaporates like water in the sun.”
I faced some unfortunate events while living alone in Bangalore. My former PG owner was a total jerk, and I’m pretty sure he still is. The food was horrible, and I started having health issues. To make matters worse, he wouldn’t let me leave without charging me next month’s rent. Eventually, I managed to move to another PG with the help of my friend — shoutout to Pragna again! ❤❤️
That PG became my second home. The owners, chef uncle, cleaner uncle, and my roommate were all amazing. I couldn’t have asked for a better place. But eventually, I had to leave. Looking back, I realize that move was exactly what I needed. If I hadn’t made that decision at the year start, I’d have been stuck dealing with same trauma at the year end. The lesson? If something’s toxic, you’ve got to walk away.
There are things I am thankful too in this year, I met some amazing people. Went for 2 solo trips (anyways I had to travel alone), 2 impossible group trips. Started my blog writing again with consistency. Learnt the whole corporate in a single year. From people backing you to backstabbing you. The world is not too safe outside actually. And that’s how life is.💫
So in 2025, I am planning to stay at a single place for at least 6 months, focusing on a single thing I really like to do. I hope I touch my guitar more often, it was untouched for past 2 months. # Justice!
My project started in February, down the line, the work stress would get reduced(that's what she said). Nothing changed I still work for 14 or more hours a day. Last 3 weeks of December there won’t be any work. I worked until 11:30 yesterday. I haven’t yet learned how to manage stress properly, might be working on that for entire next year.😂
So, the positive takeaway from this blog is just hope to stay alive! :)
Ending this blog at 23:23 IST. Might be the last blog for this year, or you can get 2 or 3 blogs in this year. Entirely depends on my mood! Until then bye bye !!